Graduations

This note is actually in response to another blog I read by "scary mommy" about how ridiculous all the kid graduation celebrations are. I wanted to share my opinion on this subject.
Preschool graduations have been going on for a long time and I think they're great. When I hoped and dreamed of having kids of my own, it was the school years I had visions of. I never longed for days of waking up at night with a baby or chasing down a running toddler at the shopping mall. I feel like the baby and toddler years are just a part you have to get through to get to the good stuff. I've said this before.
SO going to Kindergarten is extremely exciting! It's like I FINALLY  have a KID instead of a toddler and I'm more than happy to have a graduation to celebrate this! Not to mention I no longer have to pay for daycare which alone is enough to celebrate!
I myself really looked forward to the pre-K graduation. It marked a huge changing moment for all of us. We now have a school aged child. That's new for us and for her. It will be a new adventure for all of us. Expectations of grades, homework, going to school every day of the week instead of the two days mom works. A new school with new friends and much older and bigger kids than herself. Not to mention, she's been at her daycare/ Preschool since she was a baby. It's all she knows for her entire life. Leaving that place is a major step for her.
Pre K to Kindergarten is a big life change and is very worthy of a graduation. I cried like crazy at ours not because of sadness or nostalgia but because I was happy. I have looked forward to Kindergarten since she was born and I personally loved having a ceremony to mark this moment. I cried more at this than I did at her birth.
I think a ceremony at the start and at the end of the mandatory school age years is appropriate. Both are big life steps.
So, I guess I'm writing this to defend Prek graduations. We got her gifts and everything. I figure that if she sees how awesome graduation is, she'll hopefully want to do it again in high school and then college ;-)
What I do agree with "Scary mommy" on is that everything in between PreK and high school is overkill and silly. Graduations should mark something Big or New. Major accomplishments or new stages in life.
I saw many people posting about Kindergarten graduations and I really think this is dumb. A graduation two years in a row? And why are we celebrating moving simply from one grade to the next in the same school?  Will there be one every single year. That makes me roll my eyes for sure. I hope our school doesn't hold a graduation next year because that will seem very anticlimactic from our PreK graduation.
Here is the link to the original post:
http://www.scarymommy.com/when-did-graduation-start-happening-every-year/

pet peeve

Christmas cards and thank you notes. In an age of email, texts and social media I find these things to be ridiculous additions to my recycling bin. 

I already know what your family looks like and you can just tell me "thank you" in person or shoot me a text. 

Waste

Just one child

I can't stand when people without children of their own try to give parenting advice or make statements about how THEY would parent or judge how others parent. I think most parents feel this way, and it's not really a secret. But what is new for me is feeling this way toward people with only one child. It's not nearly as strong of a feeling as the ones I have toward non-parents but I can't help but be a little annoyed when a parent with one kid tries to tell me that "this is how to do it" or "I did it this way and it worked for me" or "I do this and my kid has turned out okay" etc etc.....
I understand why they feel this way, because I actually felt this way a little bit with my first. I wanted to take a little bit of credit for everything she did. She walked early, she was an advanced talker and relatively smart for her age. She slept through the night in her own bed at three months old. She was easily and quickly potty trained at just 22 months old. Of course, I wanted to think that all of this had to be from my parenting skills. I'll admit- I especially felt this way about the potty training. I thought that I knew the right method and thought that if everyone just listened to me, potty training wouldn't be a big deal.
Until I had two more kids and tried the same method. It didn't work with either of them. Eventually I had my girl twin trained around 26 months but at almost 2 1/2 I'm still battling with my son. I've decided that there is no right way to potty train. You have to know your kids personality and do what you think will work for them.
I'm learning to eat my words on a lot of things. A lot of things that I said I would NEVER do.... use pull ups for example. I was strongly against them and now I'm not. The daycare actually requested them so they could  work on potty training as a class without cleaning up the accidents of 16 two year olds. I get it now. Maybe for a kid who's not in daycare, pull ups seem silly but with my kids and our situation it works.
Until you have more than one kid, you aren't able to see just how much each child comes into this world with their own personality and that you really have to tweak your parenting for each child.
Parents of one kid- don't take too much credit for anything.

video game

I love to watch the MTV shows 16 and pregnant and the teen mom series. I think it makes me feel better about my life to see these young girls having an even harder time than I have with this mom thing. I feel for them, I really do!
I heard a great analogy from one of the teen dads. His new girlfriend does not have kids of her own. She wants to get married and have kids. He is hesitant. She is mad.
The child he has from his teenage relationship is now four years old. He has finally reached a point that life is not so hard.
He explains it to his girlfriend like this. "It's like you have a video game that you play all day every day for four years of your life and after four years you finally beat the hardest level, but then someone comes along and says you have to start that game all over again from the very beginning."

This is so perfect. I couldn't agree more. My life has been very hard and many people ask me why I had my kids close together in age (two years).
Before I ever had kids, I said I wanted two kids about three to four years apart. I had heard this was perfect so I was going to do it the "perfect" way.
But along came the shock of my first child and I decided that if we're gonna do this, we're gonna do it now and get it over with. We were already in baby prison, and I knew that once we got out at 3-4 years, I would not want to go back and start over again.
So we crammed them together.
Now, I of course did not know I was going to get twins the second time around.
It's been hard. Very hard. But in the long run, I'm glad I'm not going to have to start over at level one of this video game. Once I beat it, I will be DONE.

the best they could

Since having kids, the thing I learned most about my parents is that they did the best they could. We're all doing the best we can. I will never again judge any decision my parents made or blame them for any negative part of my life or how I turned out. 

No one knows how to perfectly raise kids to be perfect people. We all try the best we know how. 

Am I feeding them the right foods? Disciplining enough or too little or the right way? Do I say no too much? Say yes too much? Give them too much or too little attention? Am I emotionally available? Do I talk about things too much or not enough? Am I over protective or too lax?

So many things to try and do right and what I now realize about my parents is THEY ARE PEOPLE TOO. 

As kids, our parents are like teachers to us. They fill one role and one role only. We don't see them as being their own person outside of caring for us. Like when you see your teacher at the grocery store and you're almost shocked to see them there.

We think our parents job is to cater to our every need and be there for us whenever we need them. But once you have your own kids, you realize just how high of expectations you had for your parents. 

Parents are still people with their own interests and needs. We still need breaks, time for ourselves, rest etc...

My parents worked hard and did the best they could. Did they make any mistakes? I'm sure they did. I'm also sure I'm making mistakes as well. 

why the negative?

I blog about all the negative parts of motherhood because I feel like it's the taboo part that no one talks about.
EVERYONE talks about how much they love their kids, how they are such blessings, the best thing that ever happened to them, the light of their life etc etc
and yes they are all of that. We know. Of course.
But to say that sometimes you have days where you wish you could have a mom break is a little off limits. People look at you like you're a horrible person if you don't love every single second of every single day.
In the first two years I often say that I love my kids, but I don't love being a mom.
They are amazing but the daily grind is not.
So, having a blog to talk about the negative does not mean I don't feel just as amazingly about my kids as all the bubbly posting moms, it just means I want to be realistic and maybe make another mom out there feel like they're not alone when they are having a rough day (or week or month).

they grow up so fast??

Everyone says that time flies and kids just grow up too fast.
Does it really? Do they really?
I'm not so sure I agree with this. I felt like the first year of the twins' life was going by incredibly slow. Every day was so difficult that I just remember saying over and over "I can't wait until they turn one and can walk." Then after the first birthday came and went I said "I can't wait til they turn two and can talk and feed themselves."
I look back at my kids' baby pictures and it does feel like another time. A different world and one that I feel I was barely present for. I look at the pictures and think "I hardly remember them being so small". I think that's what people mean by them growing up fast; the fact that they hardly remember the happy moments of those first few years. But is this because it goes fast or because it actually goes dreadfully slow and you're so freaking busy in the day to day caring of a needy infant and simply in survival mode that you are not able to take a single second to step back and truly enjoy their cuteness?
I tend to think it's the latter. It's easy to look back at baby pics and videos and think "oh they were so cute and sweet" but if we let ourselves truly stop and think about what that time was like, do we really miss it? I know I don't. Constant crying, waking up at night, gassiness, fussiness, eating every two hours, clinginess etc...
They were sure cute but it was also sure miserable! It didn't go fast. It went slow. I couldn't wait to get to the point I'm at now. I actually have time to freaking blog!!!
Yes, it is a blur... I hardly remember the details of them being babies, but it's not because it flew by, it's because I was too busy to remember any of it.
Grandparents say that having grandkids is so much better than having kids. I'm sure this is because they are not so busy with the day to day responsibilities, so they are able to truly enjoy the moments that they were not able to as parents.
I personally dislike the infant stage most. I LOVE when they get past two years and I really can enjoy them because I'm not so busy caring for their every need, and time finally stops going so dreadfully slow.