the best they could

Since having kids, the thing I learned most about my parents is that they did the best they could. We're all doing the best we can. I will never again judge any decision my parents made or blame them for any negative part of my life or how I turned out. 

No one knows how to perfectly raise kids to be perfect people. We all try the best we know how. 

Am I feeding them the right foods? Disciplining enough or too little or the right way? Do I say no too much? Say yes too much? Give them too much or too little attention? Am I emotionally available? Do I talk about things too much or not enough? Am I over protective or too lax?

So many things to try and do right and what I now realize about my parents is THEY ARE PEOPLE TOO. 

As kids, our parents are like teachers to us. They fill one role and one role only. We don't see them as being their own person outside of caring for us. Like when you see your teacher at the grocery store and you're almost shocked to see them there.

We think our parents job is to cater to our every need and be there for us whenever we need them. But once you have your own kids, you realize just how high of expectations you had for your parents. 

Parents are still people with their own interests and needs. We still need breaks, time for ourselves, rest etc...

My parents worked hard and did the best they could. Did they make any mistakes? I'm sure they did. I'm also sure I'm making mistakes as well. 

why the negative?

I blog about all the negative parts of motherhood because I feel like it's the taboo part that no one talks about.
EVERYONE talks about how much they love their kids, how they are such blessings, the best thing that ever happened to them, the light of their life etc etc
and yes they are all of that. We know. Of course.
But to say that sometimes you have days where you wish you could have a mom break is a little off limits. People look at you like you're a horrible person if you don't love every single second of every single day.
In the first two years I often say that I love my kids, but I don't love being a mom.
They are amazing but the daily grind is not.
So, having a blog to talk about the negative does not mean I don't feel just as amazingly about my kids as all the bubbly posting moms, it just means I want to be realistic and maybe make another mom out there feel like they're not alone when they are having a rough day (or week or month).

they grow up so fast??

Everyone says that time flies and kids just grow up too fast.
Does it really? Do they really?
I'm not so sure I agree with this. I felt like the first year of the twins' life was going by incredibly slow. Every day was so difficult that I just remember saying over and over "I can't wait until they turn one and can walk." Then after the first birthday came and went I said "I can't wait til they turn two and can talk and feed themselves."
I look back at my kids' baby pictures and it does feel like another time. A different world and one that I feel I was barely present for. I look at the pictures and think "I hardly remember them being so small". I think that's what people mean by them growing up fast; the fact that they hardly remember the happy moments of those first few years. But is this because it goes fast or because it actually goes dreadfully slow and you're so freaking busy in the day to day caring of a needy infant and simply in survival mode that you are not able to take a single second to step back and truly enjoy their cuteness?
I tend to think it's the latter. It's easy to look back at baby pics and videos and think "oh they were so cute and sweet" but if we let ourselves truly stop and think about what that time was like, do we really miss it? I know I don't. Constant crying, waking up at night, gassiness, fussiness, eating every two hours, clinginess etc...
They were sure cute but it was also sure miserable! It didn't go fast. It went slow. I couldn't wait to get to the point I'm at now. I actually have time to freaking blog!!!
Yes, it is a blur... I hardly remember the details of them being babies, but it's not because it flew by, it's because I was too busy to remember any of it.
Grandparents say that having grandkids is so much better than having kids. I'm sure this is because they are not so busy with the day to day responsibilities, so they are able to truly enjoy the moments that they were not able to as parents.
I personally dislike the infant stage most. I LOVE when they get past two years and I really can enjoy them because I'm not so busy caring for their every need, and time finally stops going so dreadfully slow.

selfishless

Having kids starts off as a very selfish act. We want a baby to love. We want to experience parenthood. We want to feel what it's like to carry a baby in our belly. We want our OWN baby. A baby that has our genetics, that will look like us and act like us. We know the world is over populated and doesn't need more children, but we still want our own. Selfish.
And then they get here. It's amazing and wonderful and everything you selfishly wanted.
But, it quickly turns into the most selfless thing you've ever done. Once you get that baby home from the hospital, reality hits you hard in the face. You give up sleep, decent meals, showers, your body, energy, time to do ANYTHING for yourself, tons of money and often your sanity. All to care for this precious baby we so selfishly wanted. Being a parent may start off as a personal desire but it becomes the most selfless thing anyone can ever do. It's not a temporary act of kindness. It's a lifelong commitment to putting someone else before yourself. Often you even lose part of yourself when you take on the identity of "mom".
I don't think anyone who is not a parent knows the true meaning of being a completely selfless person and truly giving all of yourself. Except maybe Jesus.
Since being a mom, I have less respect for anyone who is not yet a parent. (I am NOT talking about people who have fertility issues but are trying to be parents. For these people, I feel incredible sympathy!)
I'm talking about people who are just waiting to have kids or don't want them at all. I get it, I do, and I''m not saying anyone should have kids before they're ready. Enjoy your time! I did.
But what I feel is that they just don't "know" yet. They are on a completely different level of experience in life. Their complaints are petty. Their conversations are pointless. They seem, well, selfish.