I blog about all the negative parts of motherhood because I feel like it's the taboo part that no one talks about.
EVERYONE talks about how much they love their kids, how they are such blessings, the best thing that ever happened to them, the light of their life etc etc
and yes they are all of that. We know. Of course.
But to say that sometimes you have days where you wish you could have a mom break is a little off limits. People look at you like you're a horrible person if you don't love every single second of every single day.
In the first two years I often say that I love my kids, but I don't love being a mom.
They are amazing but the daily grind is not.
So, having a blog to talk about the negative does not mean I don't feel just as amazingly about my kids as all the bubbly posting moms, it just means I want to be realistic and maybe make another mom out there feel like they're not alone when they are having a rough day (or week or month).
Thursday, June 12, 2014
they grow up so fast??
Everyone says that time flies and kids just grow up too fast.
Does it really? Do they really?
I'm not so sure I agree with this. I felt like the first year of the twins' life was going by incredibly slow. Every day was so difficult that I just remember saying over and over "I can't wait until they turn one and can walk." Then after the first birthday came and went I said "I can't wait til they turn two and can talk and feed themselves."
I look back at my kids' baby pictures and it does feel like another time. A different world and one that I feel I was barely present for. I look at the pictures and think "I hardly remember them being so small". I think that's what people mean by them growing up fast; the fact that they hardly remember the happy moments of those first few years. But is this because it goes fast or because it actually goes dreadfully slow and you're so freaking busy in the day to day caring of a needy infant and simply in survival mode that you are not able to take a single second to step back and truly enjoy their cuteness?
I tend to think it's the latter. It's easy to look back at baby pics and videos and think "oh they were so cute and sweet" but if we let ourselves truly stop and think about what that time was like, do we really miss it? I know I don't. Constant crying, waking up at night, gassiness, fussiness, eating every two hours, clinginess etc...
They were sure cute but it was also sure miserable! It didn't go fast. It went slow. I couldn't wait to get to the point I'm at now. I actually have time to freaking blog!!!
Yes, it is a blur... I hardly remember the details of them being babies, but it's not because it flew by, it's because I was too busy to remember any of it.
Grandparents say that having grandkids is so much better than having kids. I'm sure this is because they are not so busy with the day to day responsibilities, so they are able to truly enjoy the moments that they were not able to as parents.
I personally dislike the infant stage most. I LOVE when they get past two years and I really can enjoy them because I'm not so busy caring for their every need, and time finally stops going so dreadfully slow.
Does it really? Do they really?
I'm not so sure I agree with this. I felt like the first year of the twins' life was going by incredibly slow. Every day was so difficult that I just remember saying over and over "I can't wait until they turn one and can walk." Then after the first birthday came and went I said "I can't wait til they turn two and can talk and feed themselves."
I look back at my kids' baby pictures and it does feel like another time. A different world and one that I feel I was barely present for. I look at the pictures and think "I hardly remember them being so small". I think that's what people mean by them growing up fast; the fact that they hardly remember the happy moments of those first few years. But is this because it goes fast or because it actually goes dreadfully slow and you're so freaking busy in the day to day caring of a needy infant and simply in survival mode that you are not able to take a single second to step back and truly enjoy their cuteness?
I tend to think it's the latter. It's easy to look back at baby pics and videos and think "oh they were so cute and sweet" but if we let ourselves truly stop and think about what that time was like, do we really miss it? I know I don't. Constant crying, waking up at night, gassiness, fussiness, eating every two hours, clinginess etc...
They were sure cute but it was also sure miserable! It didn't go fast. It went slow. I couldn't wait to get to the point I'm at now. I actually have time to freaking blog!!!
Yes, it is a blur... I hardly remember the details of them being babies, but it's not because it flew by, it's because I was too busy to remember any of it.
Grandparents say that having grandkids is so much better than having kids. I'm sure this is because they are not so busy with the day to day responsibilities, so they are able to truly enjoy the moments that they were not able to as parents.
I personally dislike the infant stage most. I LOVE when they get past two years and I really can enjoy them because I'm not so busy caring for their every need, and time finally stops going so dreadfully slow.
Friday, June 6, 2014
selfishless
Having kids starts off as a very selfish act. We want a baby to love. We want to experience parenthood. We want to feel what it's like to carry a baby in our belly. We want our OWN baby. A baby that has our genetics, that will look like us and act like us. We know the world is over populated and doesn't need more children, but we still want our own. Selfish.
And then they get here. It's amazing and wonderful and everything you selfishly wanted.
But, it quickly turns into the most selfless thing you've ever done. Once you get that baby home from the hospital, reality hits you hard in the face. You give up sleep, decent meals, showers, your body, energy, time to do ANYTHING for yourself, tons of money and often your sanity. All to care for this precious baby we so selfishly wanted. Being a parent may start off as a personal desire but it becomes the most selfless thing anyone can ever do. It's not a temporary act of kindness. It's a lifelong commitment to putting someone else before yourself. Often you even lose part of yourself when you take on the identity of "mom".
I don't think anyone who is not a parent knows the true meaning of being a completely selfless person and truly giving all of yourself. Except maybe Jesus.
Since being a mom, I have less respect for anyone who is not yet a parent. (I am NOT talking about people who have fertility issues but are trying to be parents. For these people, I feel incredible sympathy!)
I'm talking about people who are just waiting to have kids or don't want them at all. I get it, I do, and I''m not saying anyone should have kids before they're ready. Enjoy your time! I did.
But what I feel is that they just don't "know" yet. They are on a completely different level of experience in life. Their complaints are petty. Their conversations are pointless. They seem, well, selfish.
And then they get here. It's amazing and wonderful and everything you selfishly wanted.
But, it quickly turns into the most selfless thing you've ever done. Once you get that baby home from the hospital, reality hits you hard in the face. You give up sleep, decent meals, showers, your body, energy, time to do ANYTHING for yourself, tons of money and often your sanity. All to care for this precious baby we so selfishly wanted. Being a parent may start off as a personal desire but it becomes the most selfless thing anyone can ever do. It's not a temporary act of kindness. It's a lifelong commitment to putting someone else before yourself. Often you even lose part of yourself when you take on the identity of "mom".
I don't think anyone who is not a parent knows the true meaning of being a completely selfless person and truly giving all of yourself. Except maybe Jesus.
Since being a mom, I have less respect for anyone who is not yet a parent. (I am NOT talking about people who have fertility issues but are trying to be parents. For these people, I feel incredible sympathy!)
I'm talking about people who are just waiting to have kids or don't want them at all. I get it, I do, and I''m not saying anyone should have kids before they're ready. Enjoy your time! I did.
But what I feel is that they just don't "know" yet. They are on a completely different level of experience in life. Their complaints are petty. Their conversations are pointless. They seem, well, selfish.
Thursday, May 29, 2014
Saturdays
I love love love my kids on Saturdays when Erik is home to help! I look at them with amazement and can enjoy every moment to the fullest.
three very young kids is just a lot for one person to handle. I get lost in the demands and needs and overwhelming fussiness that I can't see past it during my days at home alone with them. But when the weekend comes and I have help and can actually take the kids out of the house and have fun, I'm able to realize just how much I love them
three very young kids is just a lot for one person to handle. I get lost in the demands and needs and overwhelming fussiness that I can't see past it during my days at home alone with them. But when the weekend comes and I have help and can actually take the kids out of the house and have fun, I'm able to realize just how much I love them
men are smart
Every woman wants babies. They push to get pregnant and work hard to convince their husbands that it's time to have children.
In most cases, the men are hesitant. They talk about how much work it will be and what a strain it will be on their relationship and finances.
And every wife says no, no, no don't worry about that, It'll be great, it'll be fun and wonderful... let's have a baby!!!
And then the baby comes and we realize how right on our husbands were.
Our hormones rule us and drive us to have children, despite any reality men may try to make us aware of.
They are right, kids are harder than we think!
But I guess if we didn't have these female hormones, no one would ever have kids and then where would all the joy be?
In most cases, the men are hesitant. They talk about how much work it will be and what a strain it will be on their relationship and finances.
And every wife says no, no, no don't worry about that, It'll be great, it'll be fun and wonderful... let's have a baby!!!
And then the baby comes and we realize how right on our husbands were.
Our hormones rule us and drive us to have children, despite any reality men may try to make us aware of.
They are right, kids are harder than we think!
But I guess if we didn't have these female hormones, no one would ever have kids and then where would all the joy be?
sacrifice and charity
Since having kids, I have no time or energy to give to any type of charity work, nor do I have any money to give as all my money is tied up in daycare costs.
Should I feel bad? Guilty?
Well, I've decided that the answer is a big fat no! Having kids is the ultimate sacrifice. I've given up all my time, all my interests and all my money to care for these little people. I dedicate every moment of my life to make sure they are fed, clothed, happy, educated, and mentally stable.
Anyone can make one trip to an orphanage or donate some money to starving children, but the real challenge would be to take three of those kids home with you and be completely responsible for them for the rest of your life.
Having kids has taught me so many lessons and changed me as a person in so many ways, and one of those is learning what true sacrifice is. Giving of your whole self.
Being the best mom I can be and doing my best to put my kids first is my responsibility and how I'm currently serving God. My children are Gods children that he has given to me to guide and help turn them into good people.
It is a difficult job, but like any mission, it also brings immense rewards.
The twins are almost two and I am very proud of myself for making it through those first two years without running away or going off the deep end. They were hard years, but I stuck with it and put my kids first.
I had felt bad that I haven't been going to church and I haven't been available to help people out, but it's because I've been helping three very needy people 24/7. I shouldn't feel bad about that.
Being a mom is the ultimate mission, charity and sacrifice.
Should I feel bad? Guilty?
Well, I've decided that the answer is a big fat no! Having kids is the ultimate sacrifice. I've given up all my time, all my interests and all my money to care for these little people. I dedicate every moment of my life to make sure they are fed, clothed, happy, educated, and mentally stable.
Anyone can make one trip to an orphanage or donate some money to starving children, but the real challenge would be to take three of those kids home with you and be completely responsible for them for the rest of your life.
Having kids has taught me so many lessons and changed me as a person in so many ways, and one of those is learning what true sacrifice is. Giving of your whole self.
Being the best mom I can be and doing my best to put my kids first is my responsibility and how I'm currently serving God. My children are Gods children that he has given to me to guide and help turn them into good people.
It is a difficult job, but like any mission, it also brings immense rewards.
The twins are almost two and I am very proud of myself for making it through those first two years without running away or going off the deep end. They were hard years, but I stuck with it and put my kids first.
I had felt bad that I haven't been going to church and I haven't been available to help people out, but it's because I've been helping three very needy people 24/7. I shouldn't feel bad about that.
Being a mom is the ultimate mission, charity and sacrifice.
Friday, March 7, 2014
supernanny
I used to really like the show super nanny. I thought her methods were great and swore I would do them with my kids.
But then I had kids. I still think her methods are effective and probably the best ways to get the job done. The problem is that she has no sympathy or empathy for how insanely hard these peoples lives are and that by the end of the day, the last thing they want to do is spend two hours calmly putting their child back in their bed 1,292 times. Sometimes it's just easier to put a lock on the outside of the door. I'm sorry super nanny, but working with children is not the same thing as living with them 24/7. There is a point where you are just so exhausted and worn down and sometimes it's okay to not be the perfect parents.
We do the best we can to simply survive the insanity of having kids.
But then I had kids. I still think her methods are effective and probably the best ways to get the job done. The problem is that she has no sympathy or empathy for how insanely hard these peoples lives are and that by the end of the day, the last thing they want to do is spend two hours calmly putting their child back in their bed 1,292 times. Sometimes it's just easier to put a lock on the outside of the door. I'm sorry super nanny, but working with children is not the same thing as living with them 24/7. There is a point where you are just so exhausted and worn down and sometimes it's okay to not be the perfect parents.
We do the best we can to simply survive the insanity of having kids.
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